baby wont you rain on me </3 (insanex29) wrote,
baby wont you rain on me </3
insanex29

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Five years later.

I can't believe I haven't been here in five years. Then again, I haven't really blogged in five years either.

I went digging around in this journal searching for information and I found some and more than I intended to find. I pretty much went ahead and read the entire blog. There was a point where people left comments that pissed me off, and I remember being pissed off at them and I remember the reason for my defensive-ness and I remember that feeling of being trapped. Of having to put up this front in front of our mutual friends because anything other than being "happy" would be considered "talking shit". And yes, I agree, I was whiny. I was an idiot. And everyone was right and I'm sorry. I don't know why I feel the need to say this now, but I just do.

I also found a ton of entries that mentioned Martin and all the silly crazy things he did that just irritated me. And it's just crazy to think that was years ago. And it's crazy to think that he's sitting next to me right now and we're both wearing wedding rings on our left hand. We got engaged a year and three days ago. And we got married almost a year ago. I can not believe that 1) I'm married and 2) I'm married to Martin. It still baffles my mind sometimes. But almost a year of marriage and we get along great! Not big huge arguments just yet. Besides the typical quit-stealing-my-blanket while we're sleeping. Or basically besides the fights we have with each other while we're sleeping lol! But things are good, being married isn't any different than not being married to be honest.

I finally found a major that I'm okay with sticking to til the end. I decided to take my masters in something similar but different, something that I guess should had been obvious all along but I just now started to consider. This passed year as been one of the best so far. I've met some amazing and supportive people that just spew inspiration and positivity. I've taken risks I never thought I would had the guts to take (like an audition.. on a stage.. in a theater...) and I've worked harder to chase my dreams than ever. I've been talking with various publishing companies and various amazing authors. I just recently got back in touch with music, and I realize how much I've missed it.

I'm completely different from the girl I was when this blog started. I'm happier, I'm much more positive and even though some situations haven't changed much, I'm fine with that. CJ and I are still really good friends, and reading this blog made me re-think that for a split second lol. I kind of forgot just how much of a jerk he was, but he's been apologizing for it for the last few years haha! I don't really keep in touch with any other exes, we just grew apart I guess. Sometimes exes should just stay that -- exes.

I'm just another girl who's looking for her next adventure and enjoying life as it passes through.
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